Luvs Secrets: The Magik behind the mystery
by jcv-luvslave
Summary: "A fanfic like no other."
1. If a renegade Angel says it, it must be ...

Lovs Secrets: The MaGik Behind the Mystery!!!!!!!!!!11!!  
  
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Loki: Well, here we are. We've been reduced to hiding our identities and giving ourselves names with some metaphorical meaning that none of these people will ever comprehend. What drove us to do this? Why are we risking getting our accounts deleted for what seems like such an impervous reason? It's all very simple, really. It's something that you people see every day. Something that may be a product of your... "limitless talents", and causing things to be the way they are.  
  
Bartalby: Who we are doesn't really matter... nor does any side we take on issues. We're just simple messengers sent to state what others would not considering they'd be risking their privileges here. Like the allusional characters from which we derive our names, we have some business with the "un-pure" and the misguided. This place is a mess- the filth is overflowing and thriving because people won't stand up to it; or even worse, they PRAISE it.   
  
Theres a thing called pride in your work, decency, and a general respect for this "community" you're a part of.   
  
Loki: It's not like we actually believe we're going to be accomplishing anything here. Just because we may strike down one or two prime examples of what has angered us doesn't mean that the rest of the masses will be falling down on their faces pleading for forgiveness. No, unfortunately humanity doesn't work that way. And FFN is just like a little mini-humanity- inept, ignorant people and all.  
  
But I digress.   
  
A few weeks ago we posted a fic called 'Lovs Secretes'. Yes, that fic was about the biggest amount of crap we could come up with. It was great! It had sex, illiteracy, hypocrisy, the most screwed up non-canon pairing we could think of... and an underlying meaning that many of you missed.  
  
Bartelby: Oh yes, there was no shortage of any of that. Crap that is. And still... STILL.. some of you thought we were actually attempting to make a valid attempt at writing. I mean, HOW MORE OBVIOUS CAN WE MAKE IT THAT IT WAS A JOKE?! The point is, you people should have stopped reading it the moment you saw our summary of "a kyute paring ". Hell, even the title; "Lovs Secretes". But you guys went as far as to leave REVIEWS for such a worthless piece of CRAP that shouldn't have been viewed past you seeing it in the recent uploads!  
  
Let me be a little less vague in what I'm aiming at here: You dense people are uploading crap and CLOGGING FF.Net with pure vile and thus ruining fandoms. Yes, everyone DOES have the right to say what they want and post anything (hence this), but a good 50% of you bastards can't write yourself out of a bad SI or Mary Sue fic to save your lives! Cliched and cliched and worthless little nuggets of crap are all that fall out of your muse box!  
  
Loki: Forgive my friend, here. After enduring a place like this one can stay sane and accepting for only so long. Truthfully, not ALL of you have caught the current of the slowly draining gutter of junk fics. A few of you out there keep this fandom alive. Keep us coming back. Zara the Pirate, for one. Bartelby and I took a look at your fics and were most pleased to find SOME talent.  
  
There might have been others. We're not so sure because a certain someone reported us and got our fic deleted. Not that we don't commend you- I mean, whoever you are I really hope you use your talents to report OTHER fics that violate just the same, if not more, rules that Lovs Secretes violated. Surprisingly, it was actually only one violation, if even that (as much of a travesty as it sounds)- which just goes to show you how much horrible crap can be spewed out without actually crossing the line. It'd be nice to clean up this fandom a bit- it's something FFN administrators cannot feasibly do by themselves.  
  
But one person does not speak for the whole of you. Like my friend here said, the majority of you were hypocritically scorning our fic without even taking a moment to consider your own. To the person who actually understood this was a joke and then complained the fic was too riddled with spelling errors to make it funny- your fics are hardly considered commendable.  
  
Well, enough poking and prodding individual units of this wonderful microcosm we call Fanfiction.net. I'm sure we've given you all enough ammunition to flame us and we welcome you to go ahead- flame away. But for God's sake, don't let 15 minutes of our crappy fic writing go to waste. Use a spell check. Get beta-readers. If you MUST continue to write strange, corny, plotless fics, at least do it PROPERLY.  
  
Bartelby: Yes! Think of the children!! No, not their well-being....what they're DOING on their computers and what they can access. Some of these fics are obviously written by 8-year olds or some pretty imcompetent bastards, and deal with some pretty explicit stuff. I'm truly afraid what sort of dealings these kids are going to be involved in when they actually reach PUBERTY.   
  
Er...but yes, let's not delve into the subject of cencsorship and child guards on certain forms of media... that's another argument entirely. Hopefully we won't have to come up with a little test you can take to see if you're an incompetent bastard or someone who actually can actually write a fic without using AOL abbreviations. Oh, and I hate j00 all.   
  
Loki: She doesn't mean that, folks. She loves j00! Loves j00 to her little Bartelby's heart's desire!   
  
Bartelby: Damnyu -_- Hey....at least it's not Wisconsin. 


	2. Luv Secrets (yesh!!! 1!! dah original tr...

ive been reeding fics here 4 a looong time, and i thought i will try to rite one myself for u all.ppl at skool tell meh im a g00d writer, so i thnk i can do dis. okee, pplz, now that u wanna read dis, lez get some things strate-   
1. I dont own zim...jhonen doze....and he really hates dibxzim things...i talked 2 him on AIM..and he hates them.so, stop writing pr0n!   
2. pleez review!! THANKEEEEES ^_^v   
  
oki, dib and gir were sitting an watchin da scary monkay shwo and soon dib started feelin ;urjes'. they were natural b/c he was at the age wehre they are. he lookered in hir's beyuutiful eyes and throught; :i think dat i lurves j00!" . it wa true. deys in love   
  
soon, the passion in the room wuz thicker than gogurt, and giR touch0red dib "speshul areas" .   
  
;OMMMMMMMMG!!!!!!!!!!!!1!11111 why'd j00 touch meh thwere?!"   
  
"i love you dib. since the first day on this planet, ym lust and fantasees have plagueed each wakeing moment...a never ending wave of torment cuased by mah un ability to SCREW j00 SILL-AY!!!1!   
  
Dib: "Pleez use0r protection XD XD XD"   
  
so ten gir stude up and took off hiz doggy sute all sexay-lik an dib stared at him it wuz jus lik in hiz dreams! gir wuz his lov angl! he drool and sawed gir had on blck pantiys "oh gir" he said "yur so very hot u mak me cum"  
  
"not yet! gir said "i havnt gottn to d gud part yet!1!11" so dib wait but he wzu gettng arused u know like that bulgye thingy startd hppnin an hiz lowr curvy stck turnd all strait (i sorry im new 2 sex!!!)  
  
gir slwly took off his pantiys and his blak bra and hi climbd on dib it wuz lik doggee style well den suddnly zim calld gir frum teh lab but dib n gir wur so busy (hehe) dat they didn notice so a scrn poppd up and guesz what zim saw!!!  
  
no, gues!  
  
wll it wuz a most atroshus site it wuz dib wit his leg open and gir belly dancin on top an zim scream but dib n gir wur screamm 2 (hahaha i iz so durty) so den zim got jealouse cuz gir was gettin it and he was tinking "now i can take ovur"  
  
so then gir strted lickin dib he said "i lick you dib, i lik u nice n good" he pinned dibs arms dwn and he slwly took off dibs jackt an dibs pants "haveing fun?" gir ask ::giggles::  
  
dib: too much i suspecr  
  
2 b continuud! dun dun duuuuuun!!1!!!1!!!1!!11!!1  
--  
  
oki r/r!!! i wurked reaaaaaal hard on dis and if i git 4 revues i will write teh 2 chappie!!! ten the fic mite be NC-17 tho!11!!1!!!! if u guyz want it 2b!! 


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